Coping with Infertility: The Emotional Rollercoaster No One Signs Up For
4 minutes
If You’re Reading This, I’m Sorry. You’re Not Alone.
Welcome to a club that nobody signs up for willingly. The emotional pain of infertility is a constant flip-flop between hope and despair, with a whirlwind of emotions in between. That’s why it’s so often labeled an emotional rollercoaster.
For many, it becomes a relentless monthly grind with no clear end in sight.
Infertility Is More Common Than People Realize
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), about 1 in 5 women are unable to get pregnant after one year of trying. About 1 in 4 have difficulty getting pregnant or carrying a pregnancy to term. These numbers are higher than many expect, which makes the lack of support and understanding even more frustrating.
The Sources of Stress Are Everywhere
There is pressure from society, family, friends, and even from within yourself. You hear it in the (not-so) subtle comments:
“I just can’t wait to spoil my grandchild.”
“I hope you have a baby soon so our kids can play together.”
Then there is the reality of treatment. The appointments, the invasive tests, the hormones, the bloating, the suppositories, the pills, the shots. And of course, the financial stress, which intensifies as the process drags on and new costs keep appearing.
The Despair Is Real, Even If Others Don’t Understand It
It is incredibly lonely when those around you cannot understand why you are withdrawing, why you are depressed, or why you cannot “stay positive.”
Studies have shown that people experiencing infertility often report anxiety and depression levels similar to individuals facing serious medical conditions like cancer or heart disease. That may seem surprising to some, but if you are reading this, you are probably thinking it makes complete sense.
Infertility Interrupts Every Part of Life
Suddenly your life revolves around clinic hours and medication schedules. You cancel vacations. You delay job changes. You miss weddings. You stop showing up socially, not because you do not care, but because you do not have the energy.
Netflix and pajamas start calling louder than brunch with friends. Life feels like it is on hold, and you begin to wonder when or if it will ever start again.
Relationships Often Feel the Strain
Infertility impacts both partners, but often in very different ways. Financial strain is common, especially since most fertility treatments are not covered by insurance. IVF costs, for example, can exceed $20,000 per cycle. Differences in the next steps, such as one partner wanting to take a break from treatments while the other is still emotionally invested, can create disconnect.
Mood swings and emotional exhaustion do not help. One partner may want to talk about everything, while the other tries to shut it out. These different coping styles can make both people feel unseen or unsupported.
Infertility Often Complicates Intimacy
Sex becomes another item on the to-do list. It is scheduled, pressured, and sometimes totally absent. Many couples report feeling disconnected, frustrated, or even avoidant when it comes to intimacy. Some treatments require sex at very specific times, which often do not align with connection or desire (i.e. right in the middle of the workday after a stressful meeting).
And for some, the process becomes so medicalized that sex disappears altogether. It becomes clinical, stressful, and detached from any sense of spontaneity.
Social Situations Become Tricky
Even when well-meaning, the questions can hurt.
“Still trying?”
“Do you want kids?”
“You going to try for a sibling?”
Whether you are open about your experience or keeping things private, you may feel like a walking trigger or emotional burden. You might wonder if people are speculating about your body. The bloating from hormone treatments can feel so visible even when no one says anything. If you are more open, it can feel like your sadness or their curiosity is present in every conversation. If you are more private, you may feel invisible and disconnected.
The Mental Load Is Constant
Infertility takes over your brain. It is the lens you view everything through. You wonder if you messed it all up by taking a spin class, drinking a glass of wine, or holding your laptop too close to your belly.
You spend hours googling symptoms, researching success rates, calculating timelines. It becomes a second full-time job. And all of that stress lives in your body too.
There Is Hope. And There Is Help.
You are not broken for feeling this way. You are navigating something profoundly difficult, and it is okay to feel overwhelmed. Therapy with someone who understands the emotional weight of infertility can help you feel less alone. So can connecting with others who are on a similar path.
Join My Virtual Fertility Support Group
If you are looking for a place where you can be real and supported without needing to explain everything, my therapist-led support group might be the right fit. We meet virtually and offer a space where you do not have to hold it together. Whether you are starting treatment or navigating yet another cycle, you are welcome here.
