How to Recover From Birth Trauma or Unexpected C-Section
4 minutes
A client I worked with described her pregnancy as smooth and without any complications. That experience along with her family history of uncomplicated births, and her level of adherence to her health throughout the pregnancy led her to believe her labor and delivery would be a positive experience. Despite her confidence, her labor proved to be far from straightforward. It was scary, painful, and uncertain ultimately leading to an unexpected c-section and a much longer hospital stay for her and her newborn daughter. The good news is mom and baby came out of the situation both physically healthy, but my client was emotionally distraught and during our first session asked me, “How can I recover from it?” My response was straightforward and truthful. I told her that if recovering meant erasing what happened, that wasn’t possible; however, she could process it, cope, and accept her birth trauma allowing her to move on without feeling bogged down by the heaviness she was currently sitting with.
What is Birth Trauma and How Does It Affect You?
Many women find themselves struggling with a sense of trauma or distress when their labor and delivery doesn’t go according to their preconceived fantasies and plans. Despite being aware that this can happen, most people are generally optimistic they’ll be among the fortunate ones. Birth trauma can stem from multiple circumstances, ranging from medical complexities to unforeseen outcomes, feelings of lost control, or inadequate support from healthcare providers or the hospital environment. Furthermore, its impact is deeply personal, varying greatly from one individual to another. What may devastate one person's hopes for their birthing experience could be inconsequential to another.
After enduring birth trauma, individuals commonly experience symptoms such as persistent anxiety, panic, or a heightened sense of unease, which can endure long after the birthing process. Additionally, they may grapple with distressing memories or recurring nightmares of the event, feeling emotionally detached or distant from both themselves and others. They may avoid certain people so they aren’t asked how their delivery was and actively avoid anything associated with the birth experience. Some may find themselves struggling to bond with their newborn or burdened by a sense of self-blame. Further exacerbating this awful state is the belief that they should just “move on” because it’s over and now they have the rest of their lives to enjoy their baby (this excludes those who experience a loss).
How to Seek Help and Support for Birth Trauma
It’s important to recognize that birth trauma shouldn’t be brushed aside if it’s impacting your daily life. Symptoms such as persistent rumination, panic or anxiety attacks, flashbacks, and withdrawal from both your support network and your baby warrant attention and support. Seeking professional help or joining a support group with other mothers who’ve experienced similar traumas is highly recommended. Understandably, friends and family will want to help, but those who have not undergone such an ordeal may struggle to grasp its magnitude or offer the right kind of validation.
How to Heal and Move on from Birth Trauma
As alluded to above with what I shared with my client, it’s important to acknowledge that while the experience and feelings associated (pain, regret, fear, anger, sadness) may not completely dissipate, it can become much less distressing over time with proper processing and support. It entails acknowledging that you may experience a pang in your chest when a friend shares their story of a smooth and beautiful delivery and understanding that it's okay to feel that way. Another important step towards healing involves releasing feelings of guilt or a sense of personal responsibility. Some mothers will internalize blame and overthink every possible thing they could have done differently to alter the outcome. This debilitating cycle of "what-ifs" detracts from living in the present moment. While it's understandable why your thoughts may drift there, indulging in these speculations won't alleviate the pain or erase the experience.
How to Deal with Unexpected C-Section and Its Emotional Impact
Another type of birth experience that can cause significant sorrow is having an unexpected C-section when anticipating and wanting a vaginal birth. Many women who experience this have feelings of shame or inferiority for not giving birth the “traditional” way. However, it’s crucial to understand that the method of childbirth doesn’t determine a woman’s worth, purpose, or resilience. In reality, the decision to opt for an unexpected cesarian can be viewed as a sign of the sacrifice and love shown to ensure the safety and well-being of your baby.
Feeling a sense of loss or sadness is completely valid, and it's critical to honor these emotions rather than dismiss them in response to comments like, "It's not a big deal, many women have C-sections," or "I had one too, and you'll be fine." It's not about doubting that you'll be okay; rather, it's about mourning the loss of an experience you had envisioned for yourself. Moreover, having a cesarean might preclude you from having the experience you desire for future births adding an extra layer of grief.
One common mistake women make when faced with intense emotions about any unexpected birth experience is suppressing them out of fear of being judged for appearing ungrateful, especially when they have a healthy baby (again, excluding those who have suffered an unfortunate outcome or loss). It's crucial to recognize that it's possible to hold conflicting emotions simultaneously. It's okay to feel sadness and frustration at the unfairness of the situation while also experiencing gratitude for the safety and well-being of yourself and your baby.
How Can I Prepare for the Possibility of a Birth Trauma?
As for preparing for the possibility of birth trauma, the reality is you can't fully anticipate or prevent it, nor should you approach delivery with a pessimistic mindset. However, educating yourself on common scenarios that may lead to unexpected events can empower you to know your options and advocate for yourself if such a situation arises. This knowledge can provide you with a sense of some control should things go awry. Additionally, discussing these concerns with your support person and healthcare provider, and ensuring they are noted in your birth plan, can help ensure your wishes are respected during labor and delivery, even if your primary doctor is unavailable.
If your birth trauma is affecting your daily life, you may be experiencing postpartum depression.
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